Posts from the ‘Birth Stories’ Category

Jun 16

I’m Proud of my Hospital….~ this week ~

~I’ve reason to be a little proud of the care given this week.

I hope this is a continuing trend of attention to detail, utilizing evidence-based practices and compassion, listening to our patients and providing them with options and the best possible care…. I’ll give you a few details about each as you read on… In summary, this week we have had the following situations:

A 25 week-er walk-in with a precipitous delivery stabilized & tranported quickly
Twins! Vertex/vertex –turned breech– turned vertex~ delivered vaginally
A Heroin/Cocaine addict identified, baby able to be treated appropriately so comfortable transition
Safe Haven newborn about 1 day old.. placed up for adoption
Homebirth Transfer handled with great respect overall and most importantly, the mother is happy with her experience.

Whew! We have a lot of busy weeks but they don’t always have this intensity or variety! I feel proud because there may have been a few things done differently due to recent conversations I’ve had…Plugs I’ve made… and I keeping putting in little plugs to try to gently increase awareness & educate. I am an Instructor in Neonatal Resuscitation and Lactation.. sometimes the troops listen when I talk about other topics…. I’m no expert but I try to be current, correct and compassionate in care. (My 4 c’s)

Okay… the details for the first 3… stay tuned for the others…..

~25 Week gestation walk-in~

She came in with mild cramps and pressure. She didn’t report any fluid leakage but did C/O pink vaginal mucus. We had her in an exam room pronto. She had a gentle speculum exam which revealed hour glassing membranes thru an approximate 4-5 cm cervix..visually. Hour-glassing means that the intact amniotic sac has protruded thru the partially dilated cervix and expanded like a bubble in the vagina. She went right into trendelenburg. The transfer teams were called. It was soon clear she would deliver here and the baby would need to be stabilized and transferred. The NICU team contacted us back they would be flying up to retrieve. The nurses caring for her were tremendously supportive. All procedures explained, options offered and decisions honored. They got her records faxed over from her OB’s office so we had a little history.

Like a well oiled machine (from all of our drills), all the emergency equipment was readied, pediatrician in attendance, roles clarified. Once he was born almost without warning, precipitously, all at once, about 30 minutes later. He was quickly assessed, wrapped in plastic, ventilated, then intubated. We had a peripheral IV in place in case he needed meds or fluid volume. He had a chest xray and a blood culture/blood count sent. He was kept warm, ventilated and appropriately oxygenated and had stable glucoses. He weighed in at about 700 gms (about 1 1/2 lbs). The team arrived when he was about 30 minutes old. They checked all labs, xrays and his IV line. They gave him Surfactant and pretty quickly and carefully, loaded him in the transport incubator then got him out to his mommy for a visit before he was transferred. They answered all her questions before they left and we helped her deal with it all. The doctors discharged her shortly after that so she could get down to her baby. At last report, he was doing just as expected for 25 wks, no other complications often seen at that gestation, for ELBW (Extremely Low BirthWeight) had come up. He was actually improving each day! So happy for everyone!

~Twins!~

She came in to the hospital already in very active labor at 37.5 weeks gestation. Her twins were both head down (vertex/vertex). She labored quickly, uneventfully and delivered Twin A at about 1 pm. With the ultrasound machine in the room, they scanned over her still pregnant belly to see where Twin B was and if he was still in position. Turns out that once Twin A had vacated the womb, baby B had a lot of room and he had moved into a transverse/breech position. That means he was more bottom first than head first anymore. Most Ob’s now don’t attempt a breech delivery even with the second twin. They are quick to do a C/S…. This day, however, …. the Ob in charge called over an associate to ask his opinion. They brought the mom into the OR and prepared to do a C/S if they were unable to get the baby in proper position. The point is they were at least going to TRY! With the U/S scanner and 2 assistants, they did an external version and worked Twin B back into a head down vertex position without complication. He delivered vaginally about 1 hour and 45 minutes after his brother! The staff kept the first twin in the room the whole time so they could all be together. I spoke to the Ob later and congratulated him on a great job.. he said to me that he remembered what we had talked about awhile ago (when I had written the post about a C/S for the 2nd twin), and had researched it himself. I was happy that any little plug I had made had sparked interest in researching the topic and possibly even influencing a decision towards better care! I am happy to report that both babies went home with mommy on day 2!

~A Heroin/Cocaine addict~
We are attempting to put together some consistant protocols for drug screening so that we don’t miss the opportunities to protect a newborn in need…. Some may not understand how important it is to sometimes screen the healthy and innocent to weed out those with problems…. They don’t always present in an obvious way. From my perspective, those individuals who are hiding something are very difficult to identify from outward appearance only. We identified a heroin/cocaine addict recently who was a very beautiful, well groomed, well nourished, affluent (seemed wealthy) woman who stated she was just visiting in our area, and had no prenatal care info or records with her…. she was in rip-roaring very active labor at 36 1/2 weeks with heavy vaginal bleeding and fetal distress. We thought we were headed to the OR but the baby had other ideas. We had little time to get more information before the baby was born. There was a small abruption but luckily, the baby was vigorous and did not seem to have suffered blood loss. The admitting nurse had collected a urine sample with a catheter insertion and sent it for drug screen. It came back positive for Opiates, Cocaine and THC. The baby’s urine also tested postive for Opiates, Cocaine and THC. Because we knew, we were able to start the NAS (Neonatal Abstinence Scoring) for signs of drug withdrawal and identify the signs quickly. If the baby is unable to be comforted by swaddling or holding or if we had 3 scores of 8 or higher, there are protocols set up for medicating the baby. The baby did require medication within 24 hrs. Once medicated, she was such a happy sweet little girl. The nurses named her “Molly” and we all loved her. She stayed with us all week until the pediatrician released her andChildren’s Services placed her in a foster home experienced with this kind of care. Unfortunately, some of the big drug problems have hit my area. Our local paper just did a big series of stories on local Heroin addiction problems. Apparently it is cheap and accessible.

I am going to publish this part tonite and tell the other two stories soon…

Jun 3

52 Comments

No Prenatal Care? …..What are YOU Hiding??

No Prenatal Care is usually a symptom of something--hiding some type of underlying problem. Sometimes it's very ugly. The most common encounters we have involve illicit drug use during pregnancy. We need to develop a comprehensive Maternal and Neonatal Drug Screening protocol to protect the newborn.

May 28

21 Comments

**OB Docs and Nurses Scoff at Homebirth**

My community hospital’s views have never been in favor of any type of home-birth… whether it’s with a skilled professional practitioner or a skilled lay midwife. There could have been some free unassisted births going on but we were not aware…. As I grew-up in this profession, I learned first from my experienced counterparts…then I began to educate myself and learned a lot from mothers and babies. The doctors and nurses I worked with were all stagnant in their knowledge in my early years. They were satisfied with how things were. I was young, I had an open-minded philosophy and an eager quest for knowledge.

In the later 70’s, just when we began to have mothers speak out and request a more natural childbirth, I had a few friends who enlisted the aid of some lay midwife in the region and arranged for homebirths. They all had a really nice birth experience without a single complication. Perhaps that was why I was open to the idea even though I was not personally involved. Besides some of the truly prepared couples who came in and had incredibly beautiful births….. that had been my first exposure as an alternative option to the knock’em out–pull’em out births I had been working with on the job. I knew my friends were very low-risk and had done their homework.

However, the hospital’s exposure to a homebirth in those days was only if the homebirth went awry for some reason or another and they came in our doors seeking help… here’s what the docs and nurses would say to one another :

“Can you believe she planned to deliver at home???”
“How could she take take a chance like that with her baby?”
“The reason people started coming to hospitals to give birth was because mothers and babies were dieing at home….she must be crazy or totally insane!!”

We’ve had planned homebirths come in for various reasons, as I am sure other facilities did…. (keep in mind that in my area, the usual birth attendant was a lay midwife). The situations bringing the mother to the hospital were often scary and upsetting for her. The most common were:

Fetal heart rate decels with or without meconium stained fluid
Lack of progress with pushing mostly after many hours..
Higher than normal bloody show or bleeding–possibly abrupting
Breech, brow or face presentation
Retained placenta

Often the OB’s didn’t handle themselves well.. certainly not professionally. We had this one OB who would call for the OR to be opened before he even examined the patient or evaluated the situation…..regardless of why they came in. And he often actually yelled at the mother, in the middle of her scary situation.

“Your baby will die if we don’t do an emergency C/S right now, why did you let this happen!”

Most often the backlash was directed at the midwife who cowered in the hallway- uninvited by the staff, left alone detached from her patient. She never left the unit though until she was afforded the opportunity to visit and speak to her patient.

The two significant situations I remember which would fall in to statistical data for morbidity were:

An abruption which resulted in a crash C/S upon admission and a neonatal resuscitation with good response….(final apgars 3@one min then 7@ five min) positive overall outcome, no long term sequelae.
A birth where the father (a chiropractor) was the birth attendant for his wife, a multip, encountered a shoulder dystocia and the baby ended up with a displaced fractured left humerus. That baby was in a crib with traction to realign the bone. The child went on to be an honor student at a local university after homeschool.

I feel that instead of the midwife or mother receiving hostility (or even the mother being wisked away to the OR without a trial of something if the baby was deemed stable..)~ the staff should have behaved in a compassionate professional manner, acting on any urgent situation with consideration that this mother is now experiencing not only labor but fear and grief over the loss of her beautiful planned birth.

Despite all the negativity from the staff, we never had a seriously bad outcome from attempted homebirths arriving on our doorstep. We still have attitude problems, probably always will~ just as we do with breastfeeding. I wish they could look at it from my perspective. Those who choose homebirth today have better information to hopefully make an educated informed decision about their birth options and choose wisely. I really like Ricki Lake’s “The Business of being Born” among other’s. I hope those choosing homebirth are truly investigating all these options, deciding what is best for them and not making any decisions out of “anger at the system” or any sort of revolutionary zeal.

There is so much out there for medical professionals to be aware of other than what goes on in their tiny little realm, their little part of the world. My co-workers and doctors need to be better informed.

Any one bad outcome (which most certainly happens in the hospital) does not mean that every homebirth is a bad idea.

May 27

9 Comments

Wednesday’s Watch~ Children and Birth

Do American Children know this much about birth?

dematronas …. de matronas…

This YouTube video is a very well done example of the beauty of birth and the beautiful innocence of children.

These children are interviewed about birth and midwifes and babies.
They are very very smart indeed!
I found this courtesy of my new twitter friend @ketchup74.

From Spain or Argentina? with English subtitles.

Has anyone seen or found a video as beautiful or remarkable as this? Please send me a link if you have!

Check the comment for some great links already! Thank you!

May 21

15 Comments

Cesarean Delivery of the Second Twin… Why?

029 I was talking to one of my on-line Twitter friends @onefinebreeder about twin delivery. I was telling her about how things used to be.. how vertex-nonvertex twin gestation’s were always delivered vaginally ….. and she commented on how it was sad that some of the old OB skills have been totally lost to surgery… So Very True!

I got to thinking about the first combination Twin delivery I had witnessed back in the very early 80’s. This was actually one of our own (hospital employee) nurses . She was a multip…. around 37-38 weeks and healthy…no complications during pregnancy. Twin A delivered spontaneously, vaginally with a generous episiotomy as they often performed at that time… The baby , a girl, was about 6 pounds, vigorous and had no problems. We were all marveling at the first baby, checked fetal hearts on the second twin and started waiting for him to get in position. Still before consistent ultrasound, we were not worried. However, we had a newer doctor who was attending this birth. He began to get concerned after 5- 10 min when contractions slowed and he was worried that if this baby was breech, he would have difficulty with the “after-coming” head. Up to this point, all I had learned was this can be a real concern if the smaller feet or buttocks present through a cervix which is not fully dilated. Much research was done later on but at the time, I did not know about it. He began to ask us to call the OR for a C/S. This was unheard of in my limited experience at the time…. my 70’s world. I thought.. how can they do a C/S now when one baby was already born??? I tried to be an advocate… (my early days… )”We have Piper forceps…” I said meekly… “Have you tried to grab a large part and help bring the baby down… ?” This was my limited knowledge… all I knew to suggest. I kept wishing one of the other doctors was on duty that day.. or maybe we could call them???

In front of the mother, he said to me “I’m not going to have a bad outcome here!” By now it was 20 minutes or so. There was no cord prolapse, no drop in fetal hearts, no evidence of immediate trouble… the baby was seeming to work itself into breech position…. To the mother he said “Your baby is in serious danger and the best thing to save him is to take you for a Cesarean now!” “I’ll sew your episiotomy together while we are in the OR.”

I was in shock. She signed, scared to death of course. So we prepped her for the OR. She went up for a C/S of her second twin and repair of her generous episiotomy. Her second baby was delivered frank breech… a beautiful boy about the same size and was also vigorous and healthy. I remember I felt as though she was almost assaulted. I remember feeling that this was a true rare event if it every happened before. There was no immediate access to information like today.

Luckily mom and babies did fairly well in the postpartum period even though healing from both the episiotomy and the C/S was difficult for her.

" Psst-- How can I get out if I'm not head 1st ??"

I wanted to see how much research I could find on this topic. I had gone to the green journal (OB & GYN) website but then it locked me out. (You can only look at abstracts anyway unless you want to purchase the article. You are on your own for that.) I had some luck with the abstracts at PubMed so I have put a few here.

I decided to take a look across time…….

This first one is from 1981. . Quoted abstract from the PubMed site:

Cesarean Section for Delivery of the Second Twin

Evrard,JohnR.; Gold, Edwin M.

Obstetrics & Gynecology. 57(5):581-583, May 1981.

Four cases of combined vaginal-abdominal delivery of twins are presented, and an additional 5 cases from the recent literature are discussed. Malposition, malpresentation, and contracted cervix were the main indications for cesarean section for the birth of twin B. In the 9 cases presented, there were 2 perinatal deaths.

Interesting that this research was done during the same time frame as my experience above. I’d like to know more about those poor outcomes 😦

The next interesting article I found was researched over a 10 yr period, somewhat close to here in a larger facility, published 1997. THIS study examines the delivery of the second twin by utilizing external version vs breech extraction . 😉 The results are showing in favor of breech delivery vs version (those meeting exclusionary criteria ).. Versions were associated with higher a incidence of Cesarean and fetal distress. Neonatal outcomes no different and are stated below:

Method of delivery of the nonvertex second twin: a community hospital experience.

Smith SJ, Zebrowitz J, Latta RA. J Matern Fetal Med. 1997 May-Jun;6(3):146-50

Abington Memorial Hospital, Pennsylvania, USA.

The purpose of this study is to examine the incidence of cesarean section and fetal distress complicating the delivery of the second twin in vertex-nonvertex twin gestations in which the second twin underwent either breech extraction or external version. The intrapartum courses of 510 twin gestations delivered at a community hospital over a 10-year period were retrospectively analyzed. All vertex-nonvertex twin gestations were identified in which the second twin underwent attempted breech extraction or external version. Exclusion criteria included birthweight < or = 1,500 g, fetal anomaly, intrauterine demise, and monoamniotic twins. Of the 76 twin sets that met inclusion criteria, 33 underwent external version and 43 underwent primary breech extraction. The two groups had similar demographic characteristics. External version compared to breech extraction was associated with a significantly greater incidence of cesarean section (8/33 vs. 1/43, P = .008) and fetal distress (8/33 vs. 1/43, P = .008). There was no difference between groups in neonatal outcome for the second twin as measured by length of stay, 5-minute Apgar < 7, intensive care unit admissions, hyaline membrane disease, intraventricular hemorrhage, and traumatic birth injury. In conclusion, the increased incidence of cesarean section and fetal distress in patients undergoing attempted external version suggests that breech extraction may be the preferable route of delivery for the nonvertex second twin weighing more than 1,500 g

The next study was published a little later in 2001 and covered a 20 year span of time… during the 80’s and 90’s at a larger center in Nova Scotia, Canada. They noted an increase in their combination vaginal/cesarean twin births and documented some statistical data, looked at reasons for an operative second twin birth. I wish to read this study further some day to see if there is mention pertaining to mother/baby outcomes other than statistics outlined (even though that wasn’t their objective) in this abstract:

Combined Vaginal-Cesarean Delivery of Twin Pregnancies

Persad, Vidia L.; Baskett, Thomas F.; O’Connell, Colleen M.; Scott, Heather M.

Obstetrics & Gynecology . 98(6):1032-1037, December 2001.

Department of Obstetrics and Gynaecology, Dalhousie University, Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada.

OBJECTIVE: To estimate the incidence and factors associated with combined vaginal-cesarean delivery in twin pregnancies. METHODS: We studied all twin births weighing 500 g or more during a 20-year period (1980-1999) at a tertiary care center. Major anomalies, monoamniotic and conjoined twins, and antepartum fetal deaths were excluded.

RESULTS: During this 20-year period, 105,987 women delivered, of whom 1565 (1.5%) had twins. Of these, 1151 twin sets fulfilled the study criteria. The mode of delivery was vaginal in 653 (56.8%), cesarean in 448 (38.9%), and vaginal-cesarean in 50 (4.3%). During the 20 years there was a statistically significant increase in combined vaginal-cesarean and elective cesarean deliveries, with a decrease in vaginal deliveries. Parity, gestational age, and birth weight discordance (>25%) were not associated with combined delivery. Compared with vaginal delivery, the nonvertex second twin was associated with a twofold higher risk of cesarean delivery (relative risk [RR] 2.3; 95% confidence interval [CI] 1.3, 3.8; P =.002); and an interdelivery interval of over 60 minutes with an eightfold higher risk (RR 8.2; CI 4.6,14.6; P <.001). Vaginal-cesarean delivery had a 22-fold higher use of general anesthesia compared with vaginal delivery (RR 21.8; CI 5.4, 88.5; P <.001). CONCLUSION: There has been a significant increase in combined vaginal-cesarean and elective cesarean deliveries among twin gestations, with a decrease in vaginal births. Vaginal-cesarean delivery is associated with nonvertex second twin and a prolonged interdelivery interval.

Now we come to 2008! There is a study here from Texas. This study looked a twins born by C/S after labor and twins who had cesarean birth of the second twin. they campared outcomes to see if the twin of a combined delivery had more problems. The most important pieces of information I gather from this abstract of results…. (again, having NOT read the entire study):

“Combined twin delivery may be associated with endometritis and neonatal sepsis when compared with a twin delivery where both are delivered by cesarean in twin pregnancies experiencing labor. More serious neonatal sequelae, including hypoxic ischemic encephalopathy and death, were not affected by the route of delivery of the second twin.” Hmmm

Cesarean Delivery for the Second Twin

Alexander, James M.; Leveno, Kenneth J.; ….et al:for the Eunice Kennedy Shriver National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (NICHD) Maternal-Fetal Medicine Units Network (MFMU) Obstetrics & Gynecology . 112(4):748-752, October 2008.

Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology, University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center at Dallas, 5323 Harry Hines Boulevard, Dallas, TX 75235-9032, USA. james.alexander@utsouthwestern.edu

OBJECTIVE: To examine maternal and infant outcomes after a vaginal delivery of twin A and a cesarean delivery of twin B, and to identify whether the second twin experienced increased short-term morbidity as part of a combined route of delivery. METHODS: Between January 1, 1999, and December 31, 2000, a prospective cohort study of all cesarean deliveries was conducted at 13 university centers. This secondary analysis was limited to women with twin gestations who experienced labor and underwent cesarean delivery. We compared outcomes of the second twin in women who had vaginal delivery of the first twin and a cesarean delivery of the second twin to those who had cesarean delivery of both twins. RESULTS: One thousand twenty-eight twin pregnancies experienced labor and underwent cesarean delivery; 179 (17%) had a combined vaginal/cesarean delivery. Gestational age at delivery was 34.6 weeks in both groups (P=.97). The rupture of membranes to delivery interval was longer in the combined group (3.2 compared with 2.3 hours, P<.001). Endometritis and culture-proven sepsis in the second twin were more common in the combined group, respectively (n=24, odds ratio 1.6, 95% confidence interval, 1.0-2.7; n=15, odds ratio 1.8, 95% confidence interval, 1.0-3.4). These differences were not significant after logistic regression analysis. There were no statistically significant differences in an arterial cord pH of less than 7.0, Apgar score less than or equal to 3 at 5 minutes, seizures, grade III or IV intraventricular hemorrhage, hypoxic ischemic encephalopathy, or neonatal death. CONCLUSION: Combined twin delivery may be associated with endometritis and neonatal sepsis when compared with a twin delivery where both are delivered by cesarean in twin pregnancies experiencing labor. More serious neonatal sequelae, including hypoxic ischemic encephalopathy and death, were not affected by the route of delivery of the second twin.

I gather from these studies that a combined delivery route leads to more problems.. however…there are probably more problems than breech presentation alone to lead the provider to make that choice. I believe that many newer providers of obstetrics in a hospital setting are more apt to do a scheduled C/S for any vertex-nonvertex twins they encounter. That is what is done in my facility today. The same for all breech presentation singleton gestation.

Where is that old-fashioned nurse when you need her?? How ’bout the old fashoined doc??? 😉

I am very interested in anyone’s story or experience either in healthcare or your personal birth. Please let me know if you know anything about this!

Thanks for reading!

May 20

1 Comment

Watch Wednesday ~ WAIT to Clamp Cord!

Watch the video Wednesday

Just read an awesome Post about Delayed Cord Clamping by a fellow Labor and Delivery Nurse who has an excellent blog you should all read. I have a link to it on the right hand side… “nursingbirth”.

She did tremendous research and has supplied fabulous information.

Here’s a shout out to you nursingbirth!!

Watch this video..

May 15

12 Comments

**Adoption in a Small Town ~ The Agony of Knowing…. Part II**

Part II

Apparently Sarah had been having a lot of headaches and dizzy spells. She is 19 yrs old now and had graduated high school, was attending the local college and had moved out of Karen’s home to live with her boyfriend, Justin. Sarah possessed a beautiful free spirit and Justin (who was the father of the baby she’d given up for adoption) was her true soul mate. They were still together. It was easy to see how Sarah and Justin were truly in love.

Sarah went down to a large hospital in Philadelphia and had many diagnostic tests all confirming brain cancer. Her tumor was too big for surgery right away but the doctors were optimistic that after radiation and some chemotherapy, they could do surgery and remove the tumor. So far the other systems tests looked good. Sarah was a fighter and vowed to beat this thing!

During the chemo and radiation, she lost her hair. Justin also shaved his head! This wasn’t so popular back in 84-85. She was surrounded by great support! By the end of 1985, her tumor had shrunk she was able to have the surgery. They got it all…the whole tumor….all the cancer! Sarah recovered easily, no long term effects, and went into remission! Life became normal for them again.

My interactions with Karen and Sarah at this time were not as frequent. I had made an occasional supportive call or visit, but wasn’t involved in the whole process. Karen was often in Philadelphia, sometimes for weeks at a time and I had had a baby. Neither of us were skiing very much over the past 2 years. My sister had gone to Europe on a 6 month trip with her new husband, so she had only stayed in touch with Sarah by the occasional card or call.

When I did see her or Sarah—the birth, the baby, the adoption … none of that was ever mentioned.

In the meantime, I saw Dr. E a lot at the hospital. I would ask about Joey sometimes, she occasionally had a new picture or new stories to share about his life with his parents in Atlanta . Dr. E talked about Joey with such love and pride, she had really bonded with him. She told me it was because she had to keep him with her until the adoption paperwork was finished. She thought I had a special interest because I cared for him from the beginning in the hospital and had helped her so much with infant care instructions to go home. She never knew I was friends with the birth family.

Sometime in 1986, about a year after the surgery, Sarah’s symptoms returned. The tumor was back.

Sarah grew sicker and it became apparent that this cancer might get the best of her, she might not beat it this time, might not make it. She went through more chemo, and decided against further surgery. There were more risks this time; Sarah didn’t want to take them. She wanted to go home with Justin and live as much as she could.

I had become increasingly conflicted. I thought… ‘Sarah might not live, she or Karen might want to know how well that baby boy is doing’….. ‘They may want to see a picture or see the boy before Sarah dies…..’ I was having an overwhelming desire to let this secret out.

I wanted to shout: “I KNOW WHERE THE BABY IS….. I”VE BEEN WATCHING HIM GROW UP!!!! “

I had some misconstrued idea of my role in my head..the secret I knew could impact others greatly….I should tell …..Shouldn’t I???? If it was my daughter, I think I’d want to know. I’d want to see her with her child before she died. It was very inappropriate for me to think this– but I couldn’t let go of this idea, this strange notion in my head that Karen may openly question me about it someday—that I may be a source of comfort to her. My outward behavior remained professional, but inside my mind– nestled with the secret– the thought process was spinning on pure raw emotion. Clearly–I was having a hard time being objective in my thought process.

I decided to ask my friend who had adopted 2 kids; without telling the actual story; I gave her a ‘what-if’ …. Theoretical situation. –If someone knew that one of the birth parents of your children was gravely ill with a serious disease and may die….. Would you want to know?? How would you feel??

Her response to me “I’d be scared shitless! I’d be scared the birth families would descend on my life and want visitation. I’d be afraid my children would not understand. If there was serious health information I should know, I’d want the lawyer to tell me but that’s it.”

I really needed her perspective. This was not an open adoption after all. I had NO RIGHT to say anything! It was not my place at all. I took a huge step back, soul searched and pushed back all those emotional desires to tell…

I saw Karen, Sarah and Justin with some of the rest of their family at a Ski party. Sarah was vibrant, funny, laughing and having a great time! She had on a crazy hat to hide her scanty hair and it meshed perfectly with her personality. We had a wonderful day. I felt much more peaceful about knowing.

I got word about a month later that Sarah had taken a turn for the worse, the tumor growth was aggressive and they had already arranged for a hospital bed & help at home…Sarah’s home.. with Justin at her insistence. Justin was the major caregiver.

While this was happening, I ran into Dr.E again at work. I felt uneasy and started to struggle that same raw emotional conflict. I chatted with her casually & asked her again if she had a picture of Joey.…this time I asked if she could spare one for our bulletin board upstairs where we have pictures of a lot of our babies. She thought that was a great idea. [I know it’s wrong, but I was thinking, someday, maybe I can show Karen and say– the adoptive family sent it to us on the unit. I couldn’t let go of the idea.] Dr. E said “Sure.. great idea, I’ll get one for you!”

Sarah died peacefully in her home a few weeks later. Her family was devastated despite how “prepared” they’d been. My family was also very upset. My siblings all tried to make it home for the service. My husband, mom and sisters all went over to Karen’s house the night before the service. There were a lot of people there. Karen was pretty strong but at one point she cried “My baby is gone- she’s gone.. I’ve lost her!” I couldn’t imagine her pain, her grief. I cried with her.

It wasn’t about me—but I was suffering in a different way, struggling with what I knew…that a part of Sarah was out there… healthy and alive. I couldn’t share that with anyone. I cannot tell them. Going home in the car, I ended up alone with my mom and I had to tell her. I blurted out the whole story. I could trust her. I had to have someone help me. She reinforced what I already knew that of course I couldn’t tell. I felt better just letting it out to someone.

The funeral home was packed. We bypassed the rows of picture and long lines, gave nods to the family up front and found some seats. I sat there with my husband all teary eyed. I saw a lot of people I knew. There were also a lot of children running about. I saw what looked like a set of adorable triplets impeccably dressed in their identical brown suits. One of the triplets climbed up in the chair across from me and got snuggled in towards his mother, and then he popped right back down running after his brothers.

I slowly became more aware of this mother sitting across from me. The boy climbed back up in her lap as she looked up and met my gaze.

I could not believe what I was seeing! It was Dr. E.!

She said confused “What are you doing here?”

I said crying “Sarah was the daughter of one of my best friends– Karen…..”

She said “I didn’t know you knew her….. all this time… well–this is JOEY! Oh –that’s why you wanted a picture! Oh Sweetie.”

I fell to my knees in front of her, my hands on her lap sobbing, I could not control my emotions….

Me sobbing “I didn’t know they knew where he was..I didn’t know, I didn’t know..”

By now she was up and leading me down the hall, holding Joey’s hand…..I’m crying:”did Sarah get to see him? Did Karen? Oh –he’s just so precious….”

She realized I didn’t know about any contact at all so she quietly explained that Sarah had opened up the line of communication when she realized the treatments weren’t working and that she and Justin had wanted to see Joey– spend a little time with him. Then she said ..“Come here, I want you to see something.”

She took me into another room, filled with people I didn’t know. She announced to everyone. “This is the nurse I was telling you about who took such good care of Joey in the nursery as a baby!” I was sobbing still as she introduced me to her brother and his wife the adoptive parents, Joey, and the other 2 boys (I thought were triplets) who were brothers. I had said earlier in the story that Dr. E’s brother and wife (also both physicians) had gotten pregnant after getting Joey but I never knew they also had the good fortune of adopting another child a few months after Joey. The 3 boys were very close in age. The room was filled with Dr.E’s family who had all made the trip from Georgia! There were grandmas, grandpas, aunts, uncles.. all coming to pay their respects to Joey’s birth mother. What a wonderful openminded loving family! They were mostly staying in a room off to the side out of respect to Sarah’s family. What a gift… for Joey, for Karen and her family and what a gift for me.

Only a few people in Sarah’s family knew she had ever had a baby… …that was more than I thought. Those that knew only found out with-in the last few months. They were all very private about it. I found out later that Karen had still not come to terms with Sarah’s adoption choice. Karen was hoping to help her raise the baby when first finding out Sarah was pregnant. She herself hadn’t really visited with Joey It was very hard for her that Joey was even there… There were pictures on the wall of Sarah, Justin and Joey.. but I had bypassed that when we came in…and had not seen them.

Before the service started, my sisters were standing next to me on some steps, and Dr. E walked past with Joey saying he wanted to say hi to everyone again.

The sister who had been Sarah’s friend said: “Who’s that? Is that one of Sarah’s cousins?”

I hesitated not know what to say at first… and Karen’s mom looked at me–clearly understanding that I knew. She said: “It’s OK, you can tell her.” Once again, crying, I told my sister the secret I had kept all these years.

At the end of the service, people went outside to release flower petals or balloons in the wind and say a final goodbye to Sarah.

I stood next to Joey as he released a balloon. Dr E said “Would you like to say something Joey?”

Joey: “I say goodbye to my birth mother and I am happy my birth father is still alive!”

May 14

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**Adoption in a Small Town ~ The Agony of Knowing…. Part I**

Prelude: My small town in the mid 70’s had one main highway which held the one and only “hotspot”… an older fast food joint called “Burger Chef”. Our population for the county was at least 75,000 to 100,000 LESS than it is today. (We have well over 125,000 now). We were rather spread out geographically which made this feel more like a small country town.

When a baby would be placed up for adoption, there was to be great secrecy to protect the identity of both the birth mother and the adopting mother. Before any type of open adoption, before there were several available agencies and when there wasn’t much “red-tape”…. The doctors had a list (The LIST) of names they collected, their patients who were unable to conceive wanting to adopt. Often, if a mom was considering putting her baby up for adoption, she didn’t say anything to anyone until delivery. (Some never had any pre-natal care) The docs would tell them they could handle everything for her and arrange for a lawyer to come talk to her etc… Once the connection was made between birth mother and lawyer, it was all handled very professionally and legally.

Sometimes, in a small town, working in L&D/NSY, you might accidently be aware of where a baby is going… the identity of the adoptive parents.

The first time this happened to me, I had been at a friend’s house at a party, when another friend drove up- rushed out of the car hollering “We’ve got a baby!! We’re getting our baby!!”. We all knew she had been unsuccessful getting pregnant and was on many waiting lists to adopt. We were all SO happy for her. All of us asked: When? Where? Boy/ Girl? Etc… All she knew was that a baby boy had been born that day at our general hospital (where I worked). It was a very strange feeling. I knew I was going to be seeing that baby the next day at work, possibly assigned to either the mom or baby’s care.

The next day I was in the nursery. The birth mother was a shockingly young teen, 14 years old. The baby, born by C/S, was very healthy (about 8 lbs actually) and he had no problems. I didn’t say anything to anybody. The day that the OB office called to arrange for the final discharge, I had answered the phone…I guess my young little self felt the need to be all truthful and honest. I quietly and meekly told the woman on the other end of the line that I knew where this baby was going.

Dead silence

She asked “What did you say?” Now.. I had to repeat it…. “I know the adoptive parents of this baby.” She made me feel really bad. “How did I find out this info?” She said I could “NEVER tell anyone I knew, I might jeopardize the entire adoption, these records will be sealed”…etc.. So I kept my mouth shut, the little boy grew up peacefully with his adoptive family, the young birth mother even came back to deliver more children many years later.

Note to self….. Never do THAT again.

Adoption in a Small Town ~ AGONY Part I

During a particular busy shift in L&D, circa 1982, a young 17 yr. old girl came up from the ER in very active labor. She was 5 weeks early, 5cm dilated, 100% effaced with bulging membranes and looked to be moving fast. It took me a few minutes to recognize her name. Sarah Johnston! Sarah Johnston?? I did a double take and looked at her again. Then I realized this girl was the daughter of one of my best friends! Her mom, Karen, was a ski instructor with me. She and I had skied together for years. Karen was older than me but we shared a lot of the same interests and could talk forever while riding the up the T-bar. Sarah was acting like she didn’t recognize me.. I was actually closer in age to Sarah than to Karen. Since both our whole families practically LIVED at that ski area all winter, we spent a lot of time together and Sarah was always hooking up and skiing with my younger sister. She certainly knew me from the ski area.

(I started to think.. maybe Karen doesn’t even KNOW she’s pregnant! ) After her next contraction, I privately whispered to her that I take privacy and confidentiality very seriously and I would NOT tell her mom anything. I then asked her if she would like me to leave the room. She immediately started to cry and said “no–please– I’m so scared, please stay till my mom gets here.” (Privately I’m thinking… wheeh… Karen knows…) So I stayed with her and coached her until Karen got there. I gave the other nurses a heads up and they covered my other patients.

Karen was already in tears when she arrived about a half hour later. I greeted her outside of Sarah’s labor room. She also seemed distressed and uncomfortable with my presence. I quietly said the same things to her I had said earlier to Sarah. Karen said.. “It’s ok that you’re here. I trust you; it’s just that NOBODY in the family knows that Sarah is pregnant. You have to promise NOT to tell your family or anyone in my family! …I am trying so hard to do what Sarah wants… Not to tell anybody. I only found out she was pregnant 3 weeks ago. She’s even giving the baby up for adoption! This whole thing is breaking my heart! I didn’t even tell my own mother!” We didn’t have time to talk anymore.

The baby was born and Sarah did not want to see him or hold him. Although he was a good weight of about 5 Lbs, he had some transitional breathing problems. We needed to take him right over to the nursery.

Sarah asked to be transferred to another floor {which we routinely offer to moms placing babies for adoption. They are always told they may come see the baby any time even if they are on another floor}. I did not see Karen after that. I felt she would come to me if she wished. I did not want to be intrusive. I did not talk again to any of my co-workers about my relationship with the family.

003 I focused on caring for the precious little baby boy. He needed a sepsis work-up with labs, Chest X-ray and an IV with antibiotics. He was also under an Oxyhood with a little bit of oxygen support. We would observe and monitor these 35 weekers at our small hospital and decide if they needed to be transported to a bigger hospital. This baby was stabilizing and improving rather than deteriorating. He stayed with us.

The next day, when I came into work, one of my most favorite doc’s, an orthopedic surgeon, Dr. E. was in to see the baby. I couldn’t figure out why, what was going on. She had scrubbed up and was standing at the incubator and asked..”Could I hold him?” I only asked,–are you related to him? We didn’t have the kind of security then that we do now.. It wasn’t that unusual for another doctor to show interest in a baby, esp a woman doctor.

Dr. E said “I’m kind of related….my brother and his wife are adopting him! So I guess that makes me his Aunt! I’m actually going to keep him with me for a few weeks until the paperwork is signed. My brother lives in Atlanta.” I found out later that this was arranged because of the LIST, that Sarah had not made any plans for agencies and was very eager to allow the doctor’s lawyer to handle all the arrangements.

I saw Sarah and Karen only one more time in the hospital after the birth. They were standing outside the nursery glass. Sarah was being discharged and had asked to stop by the nursery. I went out and invited them inside to see the baby. They both came in.. hesitantly. Karen had tears streaming down her face, trying to be strong for Sarah. Sarah got a little closer; she asked a few questions like a teenager would, and then she wanted to go. She wasn’t acting upset, her affect wasn’t flat; she was just acting pretty normal to me. So they left. Part of my heart left with Karen. I knew this had to be so hard for her.

The adoptive family had named the baby “Joey”. Soon all the nurses called him Joey. He stayed with us for a full course of antibiotics, 7 days. Dr. E came up from her ortho office to see him frequently and she spent a lot of time with him. She asked me so many questions and wanted me to help her with so many aspects of his care. I spent a lot of time with her.. She didn’t have children yet. It was clear to me that she was so in love with this baby! Dr. E didn’t know, but I had a special interest in this baby too! It made me so happy to know Karen’s grandson was going to such a great family.

Over the next several months, Dr. E would occasionally show us pictures of Joey with his family down in Atlanta, how big he was getting etc.. She told me also that once her brother and his wife had adopted Joey, they found out they were pregnant! When Joey was about a year old, he had a little brother!

Some time went on; life was normal…I saw Karen and Sarah all winter long on the slopes and at some family events. Karen would visit at my house like usual. Sarah would visit with my little sister like usual. Nothing was said. I never told my mother, my husband, my sister or anyone my family. NEVER. I never talked to Karen about it. I respected her privacy and felt if she wants to talk about it, she will.

One day, about 1 ½ years after the birth I ran into Karen at the hospital. She looked very upset.

“Karen.. What’s the matter???”

“It’s Sarah. [crying now] They think she has a brain tumor. We are transferring her to Philadelphia now for tests and maybe even surgery!!”

“Oh my God Karen! “

Stay tuned for Part II

May 12

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Surprise TWINS !! The Keystone Cops Episode

One gorgeous lazy summer day in 1976– I got the call from the OB office (across the street) about 11 am.

Office Nurse: [matter of fact voice] “We’re sending over a woman with twins.”

Me: [Calmly] “Ok. Is she is labor?

Office: [still matter of factly] “She’s in very active labor, Dr. B just checked her and she’s 8cm.”

Me: [A little less calmly] “Whooo.. really?? We don’t have a doctor over here. Make sure Dr. B knows that. We’ll go get things ready. How far along is she?” (in the pregnancy)

Office:“She’s about 8 months maybe 35/36 weeks….. we aren’t quite sure, she just came into town– to the university — and this is actually her first visit”

Me: [Quickly] “Well — Ok- thanks, better get rolling! ”

We Hang-up

Me- To our group: “Guys- we’ve got twins in active labor coming from office right now- she’s already 8cm!”

In those days, twins were always expected to be delivered vaginally.. I never even thought to ask about which pregnancy this was, presentation, (head down? breech?), membranes ruptured?……. not that I had much time to gather any history…

We began to pull some supplies out and open up the delivery room…

The next call came in about 3 or 4 minutes—-

Office: [anxiously] “BRING EVERYTHING OVER HERE….QUICK ! THERE’S NO TIME…. SHE’S GOING TO HAVE THE TWINS HERE !” Hangs-up

We couldn’t all leave… One of the labor nurses grabbed a precip tray (small tray of emergency delivery items for a precipitous delivery) , put on a cover gown and ran down the steps to go over to the office.

The two most experienced nursery nurses grabbed two sterile newborn kits (these had sterile towels, washclothes, blankets, cotton balls, cord clamp, and a sterile shirt etc..) and a few other supplies needed to care for the babies… opened the lid of the 2 Armstrong heaters and threw everything inside. —These old heavy metal heated units would open from the top and were on small little wheels. We usually used them to transport smaller babies from the delivery room to the nursery. They were already old back then and were not real easy to push.

Armstrong Incubator/Transporter

This all happened very fast in a couple minutes. They were gone….headed down the elevator wearing their cover gowns pushing those old heated units filled with supplies.

I stayed behind with a couple other nurses to watch our other patients. We watched from the window over looking the street.

Both nurses, running on short chubby legs were pushing those Armstrong Heaters down towards the street. (Think Danny DeVito and John Belushi in scrub dresses and nurses caps!).

One of the general surgeons had just come out of the hospital, saw what was happening and ran ahead of them right out into the middle of the busy street, held up both her hands to STOP all traffic. (Think Jane Fonda in a lab coat!) If she had a whistle–she would have used it. From my window it seemed like the Keystone Cops.

They got into the office, huffing and puffing. They told me there were a lot of people already in the tiny exam room. Dr.B had already delivered 0ne squalling baby girl probably about 4 lbs, about 4 or 5 weeks early. She was pink with a lusty cry. Dr. B was always so calm.. he was telling everyone to calm down while he tried to explain to the mother and the very faint shocked looking father that there was ANOTHER baby coming! Remember this was her first visit to our doctors? Turns out, this was her first prenatal visit ANYWHERE!! You see….although Dr. B had told his nurses to call over to us a few minutes earlier with his findings, things happened so fast there in the office that he hadn’t QUITE really explained it yet to the parents. Twins were often a surprise in those days anyway, but this poor mom and dad had really just arrived in this country, let alone get in the door of the doctors office and promptly have TWINS!.

Back to the delivery. The second baby was coming frank breech. No worries, we did that all the time. They told me Dr. B asked the labor nurse who had arrived first to open up one of the sterile packs and use one of the sterile towels to help hold the baby’s feet while he skillfully delivered the arms & then head of the second squalling 4 lb baby girl! The 2 nursery nurses wrapped up the babies in the sterile towels and wisked them both right out of there in the Armstrongs, out of the office, back to the street. (I doubt they let the mother have any time with the babies. That’s how it was then…… 😦 ) Like a well rehearsed skit, our lovely lady surgeon was waiting and once again— held up traffic so the nurses and babies crossed quickly and safely.

I watched them coming back up the sidewalk and was waiting as they got off the elevator. They asked me to then help start the admission procedures in the isolation nursery. (They were born in that “dirty” office under unsterile conditions afterall!) At that time, babies delivered outside the “sterile” hospital were always watched in the Isolation Nursery.

The mom came over by ambulance up to the delivery room to deliver her placenta (one placenta- they were indeed confirmed identical). The father was scrubbed up, gowned up and finally allowed to really see his little baby girls. I was the one to bring him over to the heaters. He was crying so hard. He was really in a state of shock and so emotional. I thought he was so shocked from the surprise of twins and the burst of frenzied excitement the birth had been……

This is when he told me that one year ago, in their country, his wife had suffered thru the birth of a stillborn baby girl ……… and now they had TWO healthy baby girls!!! Can you imagine??

This family continued to grow as they stayed in town, both studying at the university. Her next baby was 10 LBs and born by C/S….. that’s another story.

May 6

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